I see what you mean by "fragments are the only form I trust". This is definitely a fragment. I wonder what came "before". The poem leaves me with a sense of a life pulling itself forward with great difficulty. The presence of the abyss is pretty heavy.
I guess the "before" is the good feeling, the sense of happiness, that the deep depression follows. Having the extremes so close together just magnifies one's sense of them. Yes, the abyss is an awful thing.
Tell me, just out of curiosity, would you rather live a more or less flat life like me, who never encounters those pits of depression, but who also never rises out of them? I asked myself lately to remember a time when I was happy (so I could use it to meditate on when I get too anxious) and I ended up having to go all the way back to my childhood for one I was sure represented happiness. On the other hand, I'm not sure I would want your pits of depression either. But between the two of us, you may be living a more fully-lived life.
That's a tough question, Stan. I have been in facilities often enough from the level of depression that I can honestly say I really hate it. Though, more of my poetry and art comes out during those times. I just began to feel good early last fall after years being extremely low. So, I think if it actually went back and forth, it would be worth it. And I am hoping this time that's what it will be. Only temporary. But, no, I have been flat before, and I don't like it at all. It makes me, in some ways, feel dead. I do feel like, sometimes, that mine is "a more fully-lived life." And that is a wonderful thing.
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This is rather sophomoric...but, had to spew. :)
Hi Elizabeth,
I see what you mean by "fragments are the only form I trust". This is definitely a fragment. I wonder what came "before". The poem leaves me with a sense of a life pulling itself forward with great difficulty. The presence of the abyss is pretty heavy.
I guess the "before" is the good feeling, the sense of happiness, that the deep depression follows. Having the extremes so close together just magnifies one's sense of them. Yes, the abyss is an awful thing.
Tell me, just out of curiosity, would you rather live a more or less flat life like me, who never encounters those pits of depression, but who also never rises out of them? I asked myself lately to remember a time when I was happy (so I could use it to meditate on when I get too anxious) and I ended up having to go all the way back to my childhood for one I was sure represented happiness. On the other hand, I'm not sure I would want your pits of depression either. But between the two of us, you may be living a more fully-lived life.
That's a tough question, Stan. I have been in facilities often enough from the level of depression that I can honestly say I really hate it. Though, more of my poetry and art comes out during those times. I just began to feel good early last fall after years being extremely low. So, I think if it actually went back and forth, it would be worth it. And I am hoping this time that's what it will be. Only temporary. But, no, I have been flat before, and I don't like it at all. It makes me, in some ways, feel dead. I do feel like, sometimes, that mine is "a more fully-lived life." And that is a wonderful thing.
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